Philae conspiracies: Because there isn’t enough s**t on the internet already?

It’s Friday, I’m tired of total crap news. Not happy that anyone at The Guardian reads and unamused that they would find this to be news-worthy. Sometimes you must ignore the madness going on the fringes and stick to important stuff. Was it a slow news day or are you TRYING to compete with the Daily Fail and the Mirror?

Philae comet lander alien ‘cover-up’ conspiracy theories emerge | Science | The Guardian.

On Wednesday afternoon, the European Space Agency made galactic history when their Rosetta Mission successful landed its Philae probe on a speeding comet, the first time such an extraordinary feat has been achieved.

As with everything from the moon landing to the death of Elvis, an alternative version of “what really happened” as the Philae probe landed on comet 67P did not take long to emerge.

According to an email published on the website – which does a regular trade in alien sightings – this mission is part of a European Space Agency and Nasa cover-up to disguise the comet’s true alien nature. The email, allegedly from a secret whistle-blowing employee of the ESA, accuses the agency of “blatant cover-ups” in wanting to land on the speeding comet and attaches photos which claim to reveal the “true inner workings of Comet 67P”.

People can be cray-cray. “I can’t believe this kind of money would be spent on this project so it MUST be a cover-up for something else.” Gee, that’s not what I thought. I thought, “Oh AWESOME, when we are faced with imminent disaster from a comet headed towards earth, we have this as a test run. I’m so curious what their experiments will find!!!” Nope, I was SO WRONG. I’m sheeple, I guess. Scientific exploration doesn’t exist, it always has some nefarious agenda, I’ve been so wrong and gullible. Excuse me… I’m going to go join the Freemasons now.

Stoopid stuff. Thanks for your daily decent into idiocy.

It was all done in a Hollywood basement studio.

It was all done in a Hollywood basement studio.

  25 comments for “Philae conspiracies: Because there isn’t enough s**t on the internet already?

  1. Old Muley
    November 14, 2014 at 6:36 PM

    Honestly, I’m surprised it took this long.

  2. spookyparadigm
    November 14, 2014 at 6:50 PM


    Don’t thank I may be wrong, but it isn’t a well-known site, it doesn’t have many comments on its posts, etc.

    As you noted Sharon, this is lazy cherrypicking by Hannah Ellis-Petersen, who tweeted that day

    “Hello internet- anyone got any/ know of any conspiracy theories about #Rosetta? That it’s actually an alien warship etc? #CometLanding”

    and then took random internet garbage to an apparently more respected outlet so that it would get 12,000 shares.

    She’s a slightly more upscale version of the History Channel.

  3. Colonel Tom
    November 14, 2014 at 6:51 PM

    In weighted risk, vaguely the idea that real risk is (chance of occurrence) * (effect of outcome). Now, chance of a comet hitting is very small, but chance of a comet destroying a large chunk of humanity is huge.

    So I figure research in ways to redirect a comet would be a great thing to be spending money.

    Aliens would not need warships, just a few deep space tugs to redirect a half dozen comets or asteroids towards the earth.

  4. skeptictmac57
    November 14, 2014 at 7:15 PM

    I think that some people just can’t accept that other bright human beings could accomplish such an audacious and complicated feat,so it must be a fraud, wasting our precious bodily…er… I mean precious tax dollars.
    I worked in the telecom industry for many years, and about 20 years ago, I was telling this guy I knew about how amazing the fiber optic equipment was that I was working on, and how just a couple of hair sized fibers could transmit thousands of voice and data channels (it’s probably in the millions now) as opposed to the huge copper cables that they were replacing, and he flatly said, with total certainty, that he didn’t believe it, and that it was not even possible. I was stunned that he didn’t believe me, and tried to explain in terms that he could follow, how it worked, but he was smugly dismissive, as though I was some kind of rube who had drank the Kool Aid. Sigh

  5. November 14, 2014 at 7:46 PM

    I’m actually looking for conspiracy ideas related to Rosetta and Philae. Someone else sent me the Guardian article today, and I have Richard Hoagland’s ideas on it being a city ship. I’m looking for at least two more so I can do a reasonably complete podcast episode on it, so assuming Sharon lets this comment through, please send me any conspiracies about this that you happen to see: (Yes, I’m okay with this address being public, it already is and I already get 200 spam messages there a day, so might as well use it instead of my other addresses.)

  6. Kathy Moyd
    November 14, 2014 at 8:57 PM

    The conspiracists apparently don’t know that 67P was not the original target but was picked after the launch was delayed due to a previous rocket failure. According to one of the ESA broadcasts, it was picked “because we can get there.”

  7. busterggi
    November 14, 2014 at 9:04 PM

    Aha! Now we know where the CIA has hidden Kennedy’s brain!

    Damn, I’ve had the flu all week and keep seeing ads for that show.

  8. terry the censor
    November 14, 2014 at 9:07 PM

    Scott Waring doesn’t allow factcheck comments, either, so his UFO site is just plain dishonest.

  9. Headless Unicorn Guy
    November 14, 2014 at 9:13 PM

    I’m actually looking for conspiracy ideas related to Rosetta and Philae. Someone else sent me the Guardian article today, and I have Richard Hoagland’s ideas on it being a city ship.

    Didn’t Hoagland say the same thing about Saturn’s moon Iapetus?
    (And he seemed to be making some sense — at least in the sense of far-out speculation — until he threw in the Ancient Egyptian connection. I would like to see more investigation about Iapetus. That’s one weird moon.)

  10. Headless Unicorn Guy
    November 14, 2014 at 9:17 PM

    But that’s what The Conspiracy WANTS you to think!

    Problem with any Grand Unified Conspiracy Theory is it becomes a completely-closed system, immune to any reality check. Lack of evidence for The Conspiracy is PROOF The Conspiracy can silence anything; evidence against The Conspiracy is PROOF of disinformation planted by The Conspiracy; and anyone who doubts the existence of The Conspiracy has PROVEN themselves to be part of The Conspiracy.

    The Dwarfs are for The Dwarfs, and Won’t Be Taken In.

  11. Headless Unicorn Guy
    November 14, 2014 at 9:17 PM

    And Jimmy Hoffa.

    And Elvis Presley’s half-alien Love Child.

  12. Bernie Mooney
    November 14, 2014 at 9:29 PM

    I love conspiracy theories. Some are pretty good. The sad thing is that some start out pretty good and then… they rob one bank too many.

  13. Andrew Hughes
    November 14, 2014 at 9:54 PM

    @Bernie Moonie; Good one! Too bad that bank they are robbing isn’t a ‘brains trust’.

  14. Colonel Tom
    November 14, 2014 at 11:19 PM

    No it doesn’t. JFK did not pass away until 1987. While the gunshots left him a vegetative state, doctors were able to keep him alive until an infection got him many years latter. There was a moderate sized coverup with the FBI etc afraid that a power vacuum created in the period between the time of the attempted assassination and Congress declaring the president unable to serve that this huge conspiracy was launched to allow Johnson to assume the mantle immediately.

    I read that on a website once, and my biggest thought was, ok, that would have been a good thing to do considering the situation with the Soviets, the power vacuum, and the Kennedy family not being able to care for the son and husband in quiet dignity. Even if that had happened, it wouldn’t have bothered me a bug’s behind. Yet some full writes a whole book like was some evil conspiracy? I am in the wrong line of work.

  15. Dubious f
    November 15, 2014 at 10:09 AM

    ufosightingsdaily is that site where the main protagonist Scott warning sees heads of statues and faces in rocks and sentient beings jogging on mars…
    Every artefact are remnants of the great Martian war, and of course to his great demise, nasa is withholding the information. Not very sciency.
    He posted a picture of a happy face on Mars, quoting they had a sense of humour. Takes one to know one!
    Probably a conspiracy from joe boxer…

  16. skeptictmac57
    November 15, 2014 at 11:07 AM

    Don’t listen to this guy! He is obviously part of the anti-conspiracy theory conspiracy theory that was formed to discredit all of us who have ‘woken up’!!!

  17. November 15, 2014 at 12:05 PM

    He says it about most small bodies, but he did not say that about Iapetus to my knowledge. His thing about Iapetus was its brightness dichotomy is evidence for it being blasted by the exploded Planet V. See

  18. Omxqru
    November 15, 2014 at 2:11 PM

    We prefer”dwarves” when there’s more than one of us.

  19. Bill T.
    November 15, 2014 at 4:30 PM

    A diagonal take:

    (chance of occurrence) * (effect of outcome), results in risk of getting killed by an asteroid strike is greater than odds of winning one of the mega lotteries. Does that mean we better duck or not hold our breaths about winning a lottery? Hmmm.

    Disclaimer, I haven’t checked this, but read it someplace, and being above-average in numeracy, decided it tasted about right, even if not correct in detail.

  20. Bill T.
    November 15, 2014 at 4:33 PM

    Yet another example of the Dunning-Kruger effect.

  21. F89
    November 16, 2014 at 10:43 PM

    It is an alien Warship: It’s called Gatlantis.

    Better get the Yamato (Argo) ready.

  22. Ric
    November 17, 2014 at 10:13 AM

    Why ESA is using such a careless wording (“mysterious song”, “music”)?

  23. Bill T.
    November 18, 2014 at 10:38 AM

    There appears to me to be overly-much anthropomorphism in science reporting (“Science Weekly News”, one of the better pubs used “Cannibal Galaxies” in at least one headline). I take it to be a miss-guided effort to engage the less science-minded. How feeding distorted takes to people who are perhaps less sophisticated about science enhances understanding is beyond me. I have quit reading National Geographic because of their pandering to the overly dramatic.

    There was better (though rare) sources of science reporting in the 1970s than now.

  24. the14thListener
    November 18, 2014 at 4:02 PM

    Thank you! I wish I had made this joke. Aside from nationalist nostalgia, I never did figure out why a rebuilt sunken water battleship would be a better spacewarship than one purpose built for the job. Then again, I haven’t watched the show since I was six.

  25. Dubious f
    November 18, 2014 at 7:04 PM

    Very reminiscing of captain harlock. Though this dude’s “Guinan” was a plant…

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