Police run screaming from ‘goblin’ in Zimbabwe

Zimbabwe’s goblin problem continues.

Bulawayo24 NEWS | Cops flee from station as family dumps goblin.

A family from Bulawayo’s Nketa 7 suburb dumped its tenant’s “goblin” at the Tshabalala Police Station, sending cops fleeing in different directions.

A family that claimed a lodger owned the goblin brought it to the station in a suitcase.

The officer said a traditional healer who had come with the family opened the suitcase and a weird looking creature jumped out of a bottle that was filled with blood.

The article goes on to explain a chaotic scene of (fat and slim) officers running for their lives, screaming to escape. The creature was said to smell terrible but, VERY INTERESTINGLY, the descriptions of the thing vary considerably:

Some said it looked like a snake with the head of a dog and others said it was a dog with scales like a pangolin.

The healer who brought it was said to have then dispatched it.

What THE HELL? There is no such thing as a reasonable goblin story, they are all absurd and reflect some strange cultural belief in Zimbabwe. In fact, Zimbabwe goblin tales are some of our most popular stories. And so it continues.

What might have happened here? It sounds like they brought something rank and disgusting to the station in order to scare the bejeezus out of people and make the healer look like a hero. Or it was to get their lodger in trouble. Convenient that we never get remains from these creatures. Many normal creatures may be considered monsters, such as the pangolin mentioned. There are several possibilities and we likely won’t be able to know as the superstition is too strong with this country.

Goblin beheaded in Zimbabwe, house explodes killing five | Doubtful News.

Goblins continue to run amok in Zimbabwe | Doubtful News.

  15 comments for “Police run screaming from ‘goblin’ in Zimbabwe

  1. spookyparadigm
    January 21, 2014 at 2:33 PM

    Doesn’t the most likely answer seem to be “man was brought to police station” and the rest is just made up crap?

  2. Bob
    January 21, 2014 at 4:01 PM

    Screw this. I’m poor. I’m going to go to Zimbabwe and sell goblin traps.

    • Max
      January 21, 2014 at 5:43 PM

      Bob, How about becoming partners with me marketing “Goblin Detectors”? I think that would be safer than traps, since it is doubtful you could ever catch one to prove that it worked.

    • January 22, 2014 at 3:40 AM

      At their currency rate I’m afraid you’ll remain poor. :)

      • Shukran
        January 22, 2014 at 10:13 PM

        They use US$ in Zimbabwe – google is your friend Neels

  3. January 21, 2014 at 10:22 PM

    If their cops can’t handle a monster with only 1/2 hit die they may as well turn in their badges.

    • Nos482
      January 22, 2014 at 12:16 AM

      heh.

    • Chris Howard
      January 22, 2014 at 6:24 AM

      Oh man! Gygaxian AD&D! Mid-eighties, my friends basement, Funions, Mountain Dew, and The Monster Manual!

      • Artor
        January 25, 2014 at 7:26 PM

        80’s? Screw that! Tomorrow nite, my dining room table, alcohol & herb, and GURPS 4th Ed.

        • Chris Howard
          January 27, 2014 at 1:51 PM

          Hells yes!

  4. John Nowak
    January 22, 2014 at 10:01 AM

    It seems to me that if I’m a cop in a building and another cop runs out, I’m going to follow him and ask why he’s running later. Maybe he saw a fire, or a bomb. If it turns out he’s running from a goblin, well, I’m going to make fun of him.

  5. Tom Heaney
    January 22, 2014 at 10:06 AM

    “Sounds like Orc mischief to me.”

  6. Bunkerbill
    January 22, 2014 at 11:14 AM

    With a real monster like Robert Mugabe in charge, why worry about a few tiny Gremlins?

  7. Blargh
    January 22, 2014 at 11:29 AM

    Even more goblin news from Zimbabwe:
    Bulawayo24 NEWS | Dead man’s goblins cause havoc

    RESIDENTS in the Nyamauru area of Dangamvura high-density suburb were left weak-kneed on Sunday after mythical creatures and artifacts believed to be “wealth- enhancing tools” stormed the funeral of a once prosperous gold dealer, Taurai Paul Tsapauta.

  8. Gabriel
    January 26, 2014 at 7:56 PM

    Interesting story.

    What makes me take note is that I’m sure a bunch of tough African cops wouldn’t like to be the laughing stock of the world by OFFICIALLY releasing a story about a…well…what COULD it be then….
    1) A spring-loaded cat dressed in a snake costume in a bottle of red dyed water with some cat wee thrown in for good measure for the smell?
    2) A tiny, smelly dog dressed in a snake suit?
    3) Mass hypnosis?
    4) Swamp gas?

    Interesting to say the least since, I reiterate, we have an OFFICIAL POLICE REPORT, but I am mystified why a 2hp goblin didn’t take a good kick to the head with a STR 16 boot – instant unconsciousness… :-)

    This would be an awesome story to follow-up what the real ‘autopsy’ reveals on the burnt body…

    Has anyone been following this up to see what is happening as opposed to categorically ‘assuming’ its a goblin/fake?

    My opinion = Open Mind until the facts on the body come out (suspicious why there is no photo of the burnt remains though.)

    P.S. Anyone who confidently state that ‘goblins or monsters can’t exist’ may want to check out the Montauk Monster, the Chupacabra, the Douglas County road beast, Mothman and any number of other bizarre, pretty-unexplainable, corroborated and recorded events…

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