CHEESUS! This is ridiculous.

This. Is. Silly. But people see meaning in the darndest things.

An Arizona family is getting publicity after their cheesecake flopped. That is, upon cooling, it cracked into the shape of a cross.

Holy sighting on Scottsdale cheesecake?.

Family members say they won’t be eating the cheesecake. Instead they plan on selling it and donating the money to a local charity or church.

I’d be more impressed if this happened on Easter. I’d also be able to reproduce it with little trouble by placing it to cool on a slightly bulging surface, a bit off center.

I would have been like, “Oh man, am I dumb, I ruined the surface. Hope I learned something here.” Funny how others think so differently.

*facepalm* Why is this news…?

 

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  21 comments for “CHEESUS! This is ridiculous.

  1. Chris Howard
    December 27, 2013 at 4:10 PM

    I dunno? It still looks Gouda, to me. :-D

  2. albatross
    December 27, 2013 at 4:37 PM

    This must be the first cheesecake they’ve ever made. They frequently crack just like in the picture.

    • Chris
      December 27, 2013 at 10:25 PM

      It is like they made it with mixer beaters to get it fluffy, cooked it a bit much and then moved it before it cooled.

      I confess, all of my cheesecakes get cracks on top. But they are small cracks. I use a food processor instead of a mixer because I like the denser texture. I actually look for small cracks to show it is completely cooked, then let it cool in the oven, and then overnight in the fidge.

      I usually only make berry cheesecakes*. I take fairly acidic berries (blackberries with seeds removed or strawberries), and cook them down to a reduction, and then add sugar. I reserve about half a cup to a cup, and use the rest in the cheesecake with a few tablespoons of an appropriately flavored liqueur. When the cheesecake is completely cooled it not only has a few cracks, but it makes a bit of a depression. This I fill with the reserved berry/sugar reduction (not quite a jam), cover that with sour cream and top it with whole berries.

      It not only looks lovely (blackberry cheesecake is a lovely dusky purple), it is very yummy. And several have a cross under the topping! I never thought much about it other than some person was going to get more reduced berry sauce in their piece.

      I did make it the “right” way by using a mixer once and got no cracks, but it was not quite as creamy rich.

      * The other is an Irish Coffee Cheesecake from the February 1985 issue of Bon Appetit. Friends made it for a gathering, and then gave us all paper copies of that article. The recipe says to use a mixer, and that you need to cook it until it is puffed and the edges crack. It is topped with a flavored whipped cream mixture after being completely cooled, so even then the cracks are hidden. My reduced berry cheesecake is a version of that one (and I know from experience that blueberries and cherries do not work!… raspberries work, but they are much more expensive that strawberries… blackberries grow wild all over as an invasive weed).

    • December 27, 2013 at 11:43 PM

      I agree, this kind of interpretation of a colossally mundane phenomenon such as cracking can only (charitably) be chalked up to inexperience. Much like Sputnik inspired people unfamiliar with the night sky to start looking upward, likely causing an observed spike in reported UFOs. I’d love to be able to blame this on one of those food reality shows.

      As for the cracks, there’s no use crying over every mistake. You just keep on trying till you run out of cake.

  3. December 27, 2013 at 5:26 PM

    So why do you think he was called “Cheeses of Nazareth”? This one takes the cake.

    • Chris Howard
      December 27, 2013 at 10:14 PM

      Well done, sir. Well done!

  4. will
    December 27, 2013 at 5:27 PM

    Chris cant you tell that its extra extra sharp cheddar

    • Chris Howard
      December 27, 2013 at 10:13 PM

      Mmmm Dubliner extra-sharp cheddar!

  5. December 27, 2013 at 6:14 PM

    Blessed are the cheese makers! “I am the whey….”

    • Chris Howard
      December 27, 2013 at 10:18 PM

      Brilliant!

  6. Eve
    December 27, 2013 at 6:16 PM

    Blessed are the cheesecakemakers.

  7. December 27, 2013 at 7:40 PM

    Why is this news and the dog with an arse that looks like Jesus isn’t?

    • December 27, 2013 at 9:25 PM

      Because that’s olds, not news.

  8. Brian
    December 27, 2013 at 7:57 PM

    If this is the best jesus can do for a miracle…. The world is screwed.

    • eddi
      December 28, 2013 at 1:17 AM

      We’re doing OK. On the other hand, Someone is getting desperate.

  9. December 28, 2013 at 10:22 AM

    Had it cracked into a pentagram with a goat’s head in it I’d be impressed but this? Nah, I’ve seen plenty like this before.

  10. One Eyed Jack
    December 28, 2013 at 11:31 AM

    I think this family is confused. That is not a cross. That is an X, as in X marks the spot. I suspect some confused pirate buried his treasure there. Only one way to find out… someone pass me a fork.

  11. cplamb
    December 28, 2013 at 2:41 PM

    How can one tell it is not an inverted cross? Could be a Satanic miracle.

  12. December 29, 2013 at 2:03 AM

    Clever family. Who can follow up to see that they do in fact donate the proceeds to charity?

    “Kids, this year’s Christmas surprise is to see how easily a fool and his money are soon parted. Sally, get the cheesecake mix. Billy, get the slightly bulging surface, the one that’s a little off center. I’ll call the media.”

  13. December 29, 2013 at 12:24 PM

    Ouch! Autoplay warning would be appreciated.

    • December 29, 2013 at 12:33 PM

      Sorry, I have no control over that. I hate it too.

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