The most absurd “scientific” research project you’ve seen all day

We checked, this is NOT a story from the Onion! But it sure would fit.

STUDENT “SCIENTIFICALLY PROVES” GAY MARRIAGE WRONG

Amalaha says that his ‘groundbreaking’ experiments have shown that the north and south poles of two magnets are attracted to each other while same poles repel each other.

He concludes that this “means that man cannot attract another man because they are the same, and a woman should not attract a woman because they are the same. That is how I used physics to prove gay marriage wrong”.

His other high-school standard experiments include showing that negative ions are attracted to positive ones in the process of electrolysis. “That is what electrolysis is showing us, that gay marriage is wrong in the area of chemistry,” he states.

Despite massive evidence that homosexuality is all too common in nature, Amalaha further insists that biology also indicates that same-sex attraction is unnatural.

Amalaha claims that he’s the first person in the world to scientifically show that same-sex marriage is wrong, adding “In general, same sex marriage is evil. It should be stopped by those practicing it”.

In a country where being gay can land you in prison for years or even death by stoning in certain parts of the country, this “scientist” is having his research and “discoveries” supported and promoted by other scientists, like by Dr. Henry Boyo at the Department of Physics at the University of Lagos, who claims Chibuihem Amalaha’s research is scientifically proven to be true.

We really can’t begin to dismantle a framework that is… not even wrong, just so warped and irrational.

Chibuihem Amalaha is hoping for a Nobel Prize for this sham inquiry! Sorry, but they don’t give out the Nobel Prize in absurdity and homophobia. Sick. And a disgrace to real scientists everywhere.

Photo credit: This Day

Photo credit: This Day

Tip: Sigmund Aas

  29 comments for “The most absurd “scientific” research project you’ve seen all day

  1. Bob
    September 15, 2013 at 12:46 PM

    It’s like he’s a lobotomy patient in a lab coat.

  2. Robert Todd
    September 15, 2013 at 1:04 PM

    Golly! I put a bar magnet in my lap and nothing happened. Then I reversed it-and still nothing happened! Am I asexual?

  3. David W.
    September 15, 2013 at 1:56 PM

    I have to agree Bob…or maybe he should be. Either way it’s an opinion unsupported by anything other than the notice of coincidence.

  4. Confucious, the Confused Chinese
    September 15, 2013 at 2:28 PM

    After the Nobel Peace Prize to President Obama… anything is possible!

  5. busterggi
    September 15, 2013 at 3:12 PM

    The Insane Clown Posse has a new member.

  6. Nos482
    September 15, 2013 at 3:17 PM

    “God gave me the wisdom to use science as a scientist to prove gay marriage wrong”

    Maybe he should’ve asked his god for a properly functioning brain instead.

  7. September 15, 2013 at 4:42 PM

    Alright, alright. Enough with the faulty brain comments. It’s obvious this guy was smart enough to fit his agenda to something that at least some people would find plausible. It’s unethical and disgusting and NOT science but let’s attack the claim, not claimant, please.

  8. September 15, 2013 at 5:33 PM

    Who says social and legal views don’t influence “science”? Maybe someone did, but regardless, this is a great, er, gross example of it happening.

    I’m always amused when someone claims to use science to “prove” something. There’s proof in mathematics, but not in science.

    And a final thought, with that attitude they would never make a hydrogen bomb or discover how the Sun works, as nuclear fusion involves two nuclei of the same positive charge merging to form another element, which is forbidden by the “Law [pun intended] of Only Opposites Can Attract.”

  9. Massachusetts
    September 15, 2013 at 7:10 PM

    I believe there’s some transsexuality in nature too, with changing sexes and such, depending on different environmental factors. Regarding his intelligence, he’s playing it smart in the short term actually, though it’s certainly sad to observe. It is so dangerous there to be gay or support LGBT causes. He will probably be rewarded and his work and interests furthered for a while. His empathy perhaps his courage are in question, but strictly speaking, he’s probably not an idiot. Though I understand why it’s tempting for many to interpret his “research”, and him, in that light.

  10. BobM
    September 15, 2013 at 7:13 PM

    Isn’t there something called the force of Strong attraction, where positives do attract, without which there would be nothing but hydrogen :-)?

  11. Massachusetts
    September 15, 2013 at 7:14 PM

    fish changing sexes

  12. Chris Howard
    September 15, 2013 at 7:23 PM

    I can see the food gates opening, now: “interfaith marriages, wrong!” “Interracial marriages, unnatural!” “Blonds marrying redheads, blasphemy!” “Left leaning New Agers marrying Right leaning conspiracy theorist Libertarians, an obamanation!”

    Okay, that last ones true, but still! ;-)

  13. Geoff Offermann
    September 15, 2013 at 7:41 PM

    This also “proves” that only interracial marriages are valid!

  14. Rebuscado
    September 15, 2013 at 8:07 PM

    His research also shows that if you apply an electric current to a man in the right way, that is, that it changes his “polarity”, then he can marry another man!

  15. lawn
    September 15, 2013 at 8:46 PM

    OK, how does he explain contact cement? Or plastic wrap that only wants to stick to itself?

  16. spookyparadigm
    September 15, 2013 at 10:04 PM

    As this is occurring in a context where laws are being made that gays will be rounded up and imprisoned, let’s just be blunt: this is is murderous ideological pseudoscience. It is of the same category as eugenics, racial hygiene, Lysenkoism, etc..

  17. Brian
    September 15, 2013 at 10:32 PM

    I haven’t stopped banging y head on the desk yet.

    With all of his ‘science’ why does not the MOST important effect of all just not get any recognition?

    Gravity. It ONLY attracts. EVERYTHING.

  18. September 15, 2013 at 11:57 PM

    > “In general, same sex marriage is evil.”

    At least that’s consistent with his magnetic pole analogy, because touching magnets together is also widely accepted as EVIL!

  19. Brandon
    September 16, 2013 at 6:43 AM

    I think the whole point of this nonsense is for this “research” to be cited when defending discriminatory laws. I think this is all deliberate, cynical pseudoscience rather that honest inquiry.

  20. David W.
    September 16, 2013 at 7:48 AM

    I agree Brandon. It seems like an attempt to use science dishonestly to validate one’s own intolerance. There does not seem to be any honest attempt at science by the claimant by citing physical reactions based upon magnetized minerals. I haven’t read his results but I wonder how he has proven that reproduction is magnetically driven to make his theory er…stick.

  21. One Eyed Jack
    September 16, 2013 at 8:12 AM

    His other high-school standard experiments include showing that negative ions are attracted to positive ones in the process of electrolysis.

    Seriously? So very wrong, and only Chemistry 101 level. The level of attraction between a given cation and anion is defined by its dissociation constant. The concentration of any given compound in solution is in a constant state of flux, spontaneously dissociating and binding (until the point of saturation). The ions present are so numerous that it is incredibly unlikely that the same two ions will bind more than once.

    So, by this logic, the natural state of marriage is constant separating and rejoining to new mate. I wonder how that fits with his world view?

  22. ZombyWoof
    September 16, 2013 at 11:24 AM

    This loony should go back to the 6th grade and start learning science all over again. He is not even capable of simple logic. His conclusion would even make Mr. Spock laugh.

  23. David W.
    September 16, 2013 at 1:14 PM

    Hey One Eyed Jack

    “So, by this logic, the natural state of marriage is constant separating and rejoining to new mate. I wonder how that fits with his world view?”

    That should be his next paper. On again, off again relationships!

  24. neko
    September 17, 2013 at 1:02 AM

    I don’t fully understand who this guy is. Apparently he has been on TV (?), lecturing about energy (?) but it seems to me he is a lowly chemistry grad student?

    I don’t get it. No one listens to chemistry postgrads, anyway. They are pariahs, so it makes sense he’s lashing out. he’s probably just hoping to find someone to look down on, because even biology undergrads won’t talk to him.

    I’m kidding! I’m kidding! Please don’t send me suspicious packages from chemistry departments now. I love chemistry, and respectfully fear it, and it’s minions.

    I’ve heard better scientific lectures from that guy that asks if I have change on the platform when I take the train home. He sounds demented and confused, honestly.

    I mean, what is he even really saying? It’s goobledygook. What is he working on there? Who’s his professor?

    eh, nevermind. I don’t want to know, all of a sudden.

  25. September 17, 2013 at 5:47 PM

    His examples and conclusions remind me of a bit of racist “logic” I heard many years ago: Bluebirds don’t mate with blackbirds, therefore, black people and white people shouldn’t marry.

    Even as young as I was at the time, I knew that wouldn’t fly! Instead of two different bird species, he should have looked at cats. Or dogs. Or horses. Or chickens, Or…people. But that would have involved too much thinking.

  26. September 17, 2013 at 6:10 PM

    I ran a current through a coil of wire wrapped around an iron core and measured its magnetic polarity. I then reversed the current and noticed it changed magnetic polarity. I guess that means everybody is bi-sexual.

  27. Paul de Goutiere
    September 17, 2013 at 9:28 PM

    This seems more like he knows which side his bread is buttered on, a well known anti-gay government, a student looking to get ahead in his field (whatever it may be), milk that sentiment and you’re set for life…

    P.S. great site and I appreciate the hard work that goes into this!

  28. eddi
    September 18, 2013 at 3:21 AM

    Chibuihem Amalaha’s work is in support of a specific agenda. Pre-Internet, we would never have heard about this. The story was only meant for Nigeria. It is simply meant to give a gloss of legitimacy to the laws banning homosexual activity. Most of the people it is aimed at are uneducated, already scared of their rulers and ready for a scapegoat to be nominated.

  29. jammitweapon
    September 24, 2013 at 3:53 PM

    I didn’t know marriage was a scientific measurement. Go figure.

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