A rash of flesh eating incidents sparks CDC clarification: Zombies don’t exist

Zombie Apocalypse: CDC Denies Existence Of Zombies Despite Cannibal Incidents.

The horrific face-eating arrest in Miami and several other seemingly subhuman acts has many people wondering what’s behind this flesh-munching wave of terror.

A zombie apocalypse, however, is not what we should be worried about, at least according to the federal government.

Over the years the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has released a couple of tongue-in-cheek “zombie warnings,” which really are just disaster-preparedness stunts. But on Thursday, the agency made it official: Zombies don’t exist.

“CDC does not know of a virus or condition that would reanimate the dead (or one that would present zombie-like symptoms),” wrote agency spokesman David Daigle in an email to The Huffington Post.

Nevertheless, recent incidents in which humans reportedly ate human flesh have the Internet in a firestorm, with “zombie apocalypse” being Google’s third most popular search term by Friday morning.

Tip: Fark.com

Well of course not. Zombies are a hot topic though considering the popularity of them on TV and in films, especially recently. But is this a case of an increase in such incidents or the reporting of them? It’s unclear.

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  11 comments for “A rash of flesh eating incidents sparks CDC clarification: Zombies don’t exist

  1. David
    June 1, 2012 at 10:51 PM

    Hahaha

  2. F89
    June 2, 2012 at 1:09 PM

    I gues we shouldn’t be suprised that some people believe that this could happen. Of course, it isn’t helped by the propular fiction inspired ” the gov’t is covering it up to keep us from panicking” line.

  3. luvmyGod4eva
    June 2, 2012 at 2:37 PM

    One word….REVELATION…..? (Or maybe that new drug “bath salts” making people crazy….you decide!)

  4. Massachusetts
    June 2, 2012 at 6:31 PM

    Probably not a Zombie Apocalypse, but perhaps a Zombie-ish Apocalypse:

    http://www.cracked.com/article_15643_5-scientific-reasons-zombie-apocalypse-could-actually-happen.html

    • F89
      June 2, 2012 at 8:00 PM

      Darn it, Mass- you played the Cracked Card! :) Side note: it is an intresting article.

  5. Massachusetts
    June 2, 2012 at 8:31 PM

    Thanks. Definitely good science fiction if nothing else. I don’t foresee dead corpses ever rising to devour ous, but the brain-damaged / psycho angle is a remote possibility (we actually did have that exemplified in the article, for one person, didn’t we?)

  6. Sean Elliott
    June 3, 2012 at 11:45 PM

    I tend to think a zombie apocalypse would be pretty easy to deal with. How many dead bodies do we have in one place at any given time that would be functional? I am guessing that most would be badly decayed, if not useless. I imagine the entire zombie uprising would be a pathetic affair.

  7. Kilgore Trout
    June 5, 2012 at 2:04 PM

    Insurance plans will not cover zombies or lycanthropes (clearly a case of ddiscrimination); but vampires may be elligible for some dental plans.

    • Massachusetts
      June 10, 2012 at 1:52 PM

      There is a real lycnanthropy though. It’s a psychiatric condition: the afflicted person believes he’s a werewolf and acts like it, but without the physical transformation of the legendary condition:

      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clinical_lycanthropy

  8. Sids
    June 7, 2012 at 12:14 AM

    I’d wager ‘zombie apocalypse’ is one of the top search terms every day.

  9. Massachusetts
    June 10, 2012 at 1:49 PM

    The Florida flesh-eaters girlfriend blames drugs or Voodoo for his behavior. Apparently voodoo is an equally viable cause? Hmmm…

    http://usnews.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/05/31/11993805-girlfriend-of-face-eating-attacker-blames-drugs-or-voodoo?lite

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